Last night was going along like any other typical Saturday night at my house. We were home watching *LIVE PD*. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s a show like COPS but it’s filmed live in Greenville, SC (and other places) on Friday and Saturday nights. We like to watch it and see if we know anyone getting chased down or recognize the areas where they are. As we were watching TV, I was petting Sidney and noticed he had a bunch of hair mats around his ears. That happens to him a lot as the hair around his cute little ears is wavy and soft like baby fur so it mats easily, therefore requiring me to have to cut the mats out. I got the scissors and was trimming away, being very careful not to hurt him because the mats get right up against his skin. As I was cutting, I heard the smallest of a whimper (he’s so brave). As I checked to make sure I didn’t cut him, I saw blood!

Yes, blood. And an open circle where I had cut his skin off, sort of like if you folded a piece of paper in half and cut a half circle, when you open it you would have a whole circle cut out. That’s what I had done to my poor Sidney. The more I inspected the damage, the bigger and more horrible it looked. Jamie said he needed stitches and I had cut it so deep it looked like the remaining skin was paper thin convincing me I had almost punctured a hole into his ear.

It was around 10:00 PM but I couldn’t let my baby hurt and this couldn’t wait until Monday to see our regular vet so off we flew to Greenville to the Emergency Veterinary Clinic. I was driving like a bat out of hell, running stop signs and weaving in and out of cars who clearly didn’t understand I had a real emergency on my hands. Really people, Sidney’s ear was practically hanging off, move out of the way! Jamie told me to calm down and drive safely. I told him to shut up, that I’d been driving for forty years and I didn’t need his input. I really haven’t been driving for forty years but who cares. He shut up. He knew I was on a mission. As we flew through Greenville, wheels spinning off the ground, I spent my time thinking about what I would tell *LIVE PD* if they pulled me over. “I cut my dog’s ear off’? Maybe I should just keep going and let them chase me. I wondered, if they had a K-9, who would win the fight? Clearly their dog would since mine was already half dead.

We made it to the clinic without a police entourage (I have to admit I was a little disappointed).  I registered Sidney so we could sit and wait forever. I was in such a panicked state about almost killing Sidney that I started to write Poncho on the paperwork which is a dog I had for fourteen years when I was a child. The people at the clinic moved at a snail’s pace and didn’t think his ear was much of an emergency. They obviously didn’t have a medical education.

Sidney was the most handsome boy in the waiting room, especially if you compared him to the one-legged chihuahua wearing a t-shirt. Sidney held his tennis ball for comfort and waited patiently for them to tell me what a bad mom I am. Like I don’t already know that. There were two dogs ahead of us. One was there for seizures. I felt it my obligation to inform them that seizures are very common and also very expensive. My other golden boy’s medications cost me a fortune for his seizures. And then, just out of the blue, they got up and left without being seen. Huh. Go figure. One gold star for me, although I should say I never intended to cause their dog to endure medical neglect. Now we were second in line.

We finally got called back to a room. When the vet tech came in to assist us you could almost see hearts rising up from Sid’s eyes. Amber was small, young, blond, cute, and loved him. She gave him nose kisses, talked baby talk to him, called him a “ham” which made him blush, trimmed his ears, and admired his tennis ball. He got so much loving from her, he showed her his allewkiowow (pronounced a-lew-key-ow-wow). It’s a special dance he does when he’s really happy and he throws his hips back and forth like a hula dancer. Not everyone gets the allewkiowow, but Amber was special. His balloon was quickly deflated however and replaced with humiliation as she pulled out the thermometer to take his temperature. He simply turned toward the corner and hid his face.

She reassured me that he was fine. He still had an ear, and it was a superficial wound. She trimmed his ears to see the cut better and cleaned it. I started feeling better after the third time of telling her I almost punctured his ear and she said that no I hadn’t. She took him out to weigh him and by that point he couldn’t have cared less if I had gone on home. He would have followed Amber to the moon. Just to support my claim of how much of his ear I cut off, he weighed a full one pound less than usual. Then the vet came in. She inspected his ear and said, “Oh my gosh! You almost cut his ear off!” After a brief fear of her reporting me to DSS (Doggy Social Services) she laughed and said she was just kidding. She did want to put a staple in it (which by the way, is confirmation #2 of my assessment of how serious it was) but was afraid he would try to scratch it and get his toenail caught in it, thus causing more damage. She decided to glue it together. They took him away for a few more minutes and came back with it all glued together and looking great.

Whew. We were done – still needed to pay the bill and head out. Sidney grabbed his tennis ball and as we went out to the front desk to pay, he headed the opposite direction down the hall following the new love of his life, Amber. I promised him a treat and he begrudgingly came with me. I was amazed and so relieved when I paid, that the bill was less than my normal vet charges. The longer we were there, the more dollar signs were flashing in the air in front of me like a neon light.

We headed home, at a much slower pace, and I did keep my word and stopped at a convenience store (which is a testament to my love for him since I am not a fan of getting robbed at gun point) to get Sid a pack of Nutter Butter cookies. He wanted animal crackers but they didn’t have any. Once we got home, it was after midnight. The first thing he did was scratch the wound and open it back up. He said he wanted to go back to see his girlfriend. He’s not very appreciative but I showed him who’s the boss of this house. I put the collar of shame on him and marched off to bed.


As a follow up to this fiasco, I ended up taking Sid back to our regular vet (I was not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing Amber again) and he got three staples and a hard cone. Take that!


2 thoughts on “K-911

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