Things That Make Me Pee My Pants – Besides Coughing, Sneezing, and Throwing up.

We all have those hilarious memories that make us laugh every time we think about them but they don’t seem to be funny to anyone else. Jamie and I have a lot of them. I’d like to write them down so you can laugh as much as we do, but I know they are really situations where I would say “You just had to be there.” So while you read what are some of the funniest moments of my life you will probably be staring at this computer screen with a completely blank expression on your face, thinking, “huh. I don’t get it.” I’m going to write my stories anyway and I don’t care if you laugh or not.

Jamie and I have the same sarcastic sense of humor. We can be in a room of 100 people and just one slight shift of an eye will tell the other exactly what or who we are talking about or thinking. We just get each other.

We were at Folly Beach one summer and it was a really windy day. We always go out to our necks in the water, as deep as we can get, and on that day we were boogie boarding, or at least trying to. The weather was harsh, the waves sideways and big. We were fighting the water all day and taking a beating. Every few minutes we’d find ourselves way down the beach from where we started and have to walk up to the shore in order to head back towards the direction of our hotel, only to get swept sideways down the beach again in just one boogie board attempt. At one point, after hours of this and pure exhaustion, as we started pushing our way through the water back to our starting point yet again, I looked at Jamie and said, “Life’s a beach.” Then under my breath I muttered, “and then you walk up it.” We were so tired we both just doubled over in laughter and laughed so hard I know we both peed in the ocean. We laughed until we hurt. It’s a wonder we didn’t drown out there. I guess you had to be there.

One Christmas we were in Kentucky at my parent’s house and were getting ready to open presents. It never fails when we open presents someone is going to say something to hurt someone else’s feelings. “I don’t want that. You didn’t spend much on that did you? Why did you get me that?” In order to prepare for the gift opening and make sure everyone knew we were all going to behave and there would not be any feelings hurt that year, I warned everyone in advance, “If anyone gets ugly or isn’t appreciative of their gifts, I’m taking your picture and posting it on facebook.” My mom immediately jumped up to head to the bathroom and very seriously said, “Hold on, let me go comb my hair.”

Jamie and I went on a cruise to Bermuda. One of the entertainment shows during the cruise was a magic/comedy show. Jamie and I sat in the first two seats in the front row. In walks a slowly shuffling elderly lady, staring straight ahead with a blank expression on her face like she was in a sluggish stupor. Of course she sat right beside us. Much to our surprise, when the show started she came to life! Boy, did she ever come to life! She squealed at everything, worthy or not. She was in such awe and amazement at the slightest happenings, Jamie and I started laughing so hard we couldn’t stop. Throughout the entire show she entertained us so much with her “oohs” and “ahs” that the comedian actually yelled at her to shut up which made us laugh harder and louder and stronger. We were on the floor in the front of the theater, unable to get up, unable to stop laughing, covering our mouths and holding our stomachs while the entire rest of the theater wondered what in the world was going on. What was even funnier was that she had no idea we were laughing at her, or that the comedian had yelled at her. We laughed all the way back to our room, holding our legs together in uncontrollable hysteria. People were stopping us in the hallways to ask what was so funny and we couldn’t even talk. I guess, you had to be there.

Then there’s the funny things my dad does, like hocking a lugie (and I’m not even sure that’s a word or how to spell it) on the newspaper page he was reading and simply turning the page and continuing to read. Or the time my mom made stuffed cabbage for dinner. As my dad started eating he turned to Jamie and said, “You know how I can’t taste anything? Sometimes that’s just a silent blessing.”  One time she made stuffed peppers. My dad doesn’t believe in wasting anything. As they ate he said, “Keep the food and throw out the recipe.” My mom doesn’t think he’s very funny, but he always has everyone else rolling.

I’m not sure you even cracked a smile while you read this, but I’ll bet I made you think of the funny things in your life that make you laugh like this. Writing this made me laugh and that’s all that matters to me right now.



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