So I had a long, pretty boring weekend. It was a four day weekend for me and I only worked my private practice one of those days. When I’m not working I’m not really sure what to do with myself. Yes, I know I need more of a social life. Yes, I know I need more hobbies. Yes, I know all those things I tell my clients. Winter tends to get me down and I had a lot of time on my hands so I put it to good use and had some long and super meaningful conversations with several friends that reinforced my importance in their lives which was something I really needed.
I had the chance to talk to four good friends who I don’t often get to see or talk to due to busy schedules and locations. They had so many words of wisdom during our much needed catch-up sessions that I thought these words of wisdom were worth writing down, sharing, and remembering.
I learned that people are not always or even often truthful. I was reminded that people will say what benefits them and not necessarily care about the effects on the person they are lying to. They may justify what they are saying and make excuses for it, to convince themselves the lies aren’t that bad or aren’t even really lies. People who lie only think about themselves and have no remorse or guilt for the impact on others, just remorse for getting caught and then having to work extra hard and spend more energy making up more lies to cover the first. These types of people often use psychological projection – placing their own negative or positive traits on others. Actually, many people do that – not just liars. A good example is when someone in a relationship is cheating they will accuse the other of cheating. Or a selfish person may describe others as being selfish.
It was reinforced to me that I need to live for today. Not tomorrow. Not yesterday. Being regretful or angry about yesterday or last year doesn’t do anything but breed more anger and discontent and the only person this hurts is me. If I don’t focus on today I’ll miss it and never get the opportunity again because today only comes around once in a lifetime (I actually wrote that in one of my poems). I can’t change the past. I can’t predict tomorrow so all I have is today. I purchased a bracelet several days ago but haven’t gotten it yet that simply says “TODAY”. It’s from the MyIntent Project. Here’s the link in case you’re interested. It’s a good reminder of what we want to stay focused on. You can choose any word or multiple words that have special meaning to you to put on the bracelet. http://www.myintent.org/collections/frontpage/products/classic-bracelet?variant=7160388737
I was once again, told by multiple friends (we had some very deep conversations) that people have to be judged by their actions rather than their words. I’ve heard that a lot recently. I guess this goes back to the fact that some people don’t have the intentions we think they have or that they pretend to have. We’ve all heard the phrase “actions speak louder than words.” In my book, words don’t speak at all but actions scream. I don’t usually see much action but I certainly have heard my share of words. Words are easy, they pour like rain from a drainpipe. Actions however are resolute and intentional. A person who’s actions speak louder than their words is a person you want to hold on to. They are good stock.
Change is hard. It’s hard for everyone. Probably no harder for anyone else than me. I will literally get sick over change. REAL sick. If I’m changing jobs, going through a divorce, moving, whatever. Change will make me need to be medicated!! But that doesn’t mean I don’t do it. I have regretted not making many changes I should have made because I was too scared. I was too scared of what was behind that closed door. There is nothing I’ve said more often to clients than this, “You have to close some doors before others open”. Closing doors isn’t a bad thing. It might be scary but it’s not bad. Another good friend of mine who is a psychiatrist once told me that any change in your life is an opportunity for personal growth. It’s like opening the windows to let fresh air in. If we never do that, the air gets stagnant and stale, dusty and choking. Opening the doors, or windows, so to speak, gives us new life. Continuing to grow is necessary. If we’re too afraid to breathe fresh air, we eventually die, with regrets. If we spend this one precious life we have being too afraid to live it, we surely miss out on many wonderful things. I can look back in retrospect at all the scary changes I’ve made and honestly say they all worked out for the better and I’m glad I made them. So, you can live in fear and miss out or you can put on your big boy pants and experience wonderful and amazing things you never knew were waiting for you. It’s as easy as closing a door. You don’t even have to put the energy into opening the next. It’s there. And it will open. Without the bad there would be not good. Without the good, life is colorless and silent.
The most important thing my friends reminded me of is that I have worth and value. Even when I don’t feel like it. They assured me of that. That I am worthy of good things. I am lovable, dependable, trustworthy, honest, funny, fun, caring, and loyal. Yes, they called me all those things – all in one day! And it felt good. 🙂